I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
