Tell her she can't have a vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
