You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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