the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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