I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
