I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
