In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
