I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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