dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
