i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
