i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
