i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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