So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
