So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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