my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
