i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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