There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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