no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's shark week go big or go home
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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