I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
