Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
