did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
two words: eviction party
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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