Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is the high leading the old right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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