from now on my penis is your penis
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
