like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
