i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
