I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
