i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
