Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
