I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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