At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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