O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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