i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I AM VODKA MAN
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
