ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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