3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
