I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
