im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
