we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
