Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
