the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
