true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
