I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
