so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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