It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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