I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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