If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
