Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
