Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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