I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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