hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
