You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
