just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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